"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
