Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
