I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
