Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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