Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
our cab driver is having phone sex.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
