Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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