Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
