I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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