3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
