kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
