That's when you crack a 10am beer
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
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