I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
