u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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