I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
