sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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