you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
