i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
well, you know. whores of a feather.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
