The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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