I want to make a zoo with you.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
