So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
