Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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