he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
