Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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