can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
