He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
