Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
