Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
