I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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