walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
