Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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