Walk of Shame. In a state park.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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