Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
