Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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