I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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