they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
