The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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