Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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