All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
