I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
