Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
