Swine flu is the new snow day.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
