Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
