she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
