Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
a search helicopter?!
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
