Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
