You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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