I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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