Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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