i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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