Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So. Much. Porn.
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