i love accidental penises.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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