I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
tell me about the eggs
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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