The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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