Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
